ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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