Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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