Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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