you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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