Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
