i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
