Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
