Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
