Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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