Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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