Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
