I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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