It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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