Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
