I could have mohawked her pubes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
