she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
