Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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