After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
