I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm too high and old for this...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
