Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
