worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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