I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
