Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
