I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
