i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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