i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
