I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
