i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
