it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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