You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
