so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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