Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
