you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
