Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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