and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
