you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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