I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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