my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All the doctor said was why
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
