apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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