I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
