11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are the jesus of drinking
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
