watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
