he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
