In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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