Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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