What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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