And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
