you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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