it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
