I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Enjoy the penises
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
