i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
