If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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