I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
